


(ir)rational fear?

by aaxbbxx



Series: The Universe is Ours • 2nd Oneshot Collection [8]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: M/M, based on amigo tv, cute little fluff, forever myungjin, myungjun superior, wah it's so soft im dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22788226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaxbbxx/pseuds/aaxbbxx
Summary: In Amigo tv, MJ was asked what’s his phobia and he answered Jin Jin, to the delight and laughter of the members. The eldest laughed it off while the others didn’t question him much about it, assuming it was MJ being the joker that he was – it was a variety show they were recording. But what the others didn’t know, he wasn’t joking. His phobia really was Jinwoo.
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha
Series: The Universe is Ours • 2nd Oneshot Collection [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600558
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	(ir)rational fear?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [junyastro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/junyastro/gifts).

> non-edited

In Amigo tv, MJ was asked what’s his phobia and he answered Jin Jin, to the delight and laughter of the members. The eldest laughed it off while the others didn’t question him much about it, assuming it was MJ being the joker that he was – it was a variety show they were recording. But what the others didn’t know, he wasn’t joking. His phobia really was Jinwoo.

_ Jinwoo leaving him. _

Of course, it was total career suicide if he were to say the whole truth. He could have gone with something true and fictional, but as comedic as he is, he stays true to answering questions that means a lot. He also has no other phobias. As much as he loved Astro and his members, one thing that really keeps him up at night is the idea that one day, he’ll wake up and Jinwoo would be gone. That one day, he won’t be able to hear that slow talk of his, won’t be able to have someone he can tease, won’t be able to drag him anywhere he wanted to go, won’t be able to look at the one person he loves most in the entire universe. Was he being dramatic? 

When it comes to things like love, one can never overstate their feelings. Sure, it sounds corny, over-the-top, almost unbelieving – but what your heart says will always be true. 

MJ wasn’t sure when he started to feel this way. These feelings for Jinwoo. There was a time when all he thought of the other man was purely platonic. When did it become so much more?

“..ung..Hyung..Hyung!”

“Ay Kamchagiya!” MJ startled when a hand and a voice simultaneously grabbed his attention. He grabbed his chest and glared up at the maknae who was giggling at his reaction. “Ya! My heart is weak!”

“Sorry, hyung.” Sanha managed to say in between giggles. “I didn’t expect to scare you that much, I was just trying to get your attention.”

MJ shook his head, feeling his heart calming down. “Well, you got it, what did you want, peasant?”

Sanha pouted at him. “Hyung~~”

“What is it you want...this time?” MJ sighed, smiling at the cute youngest. He can never say no after all. This kid was basically his child. Though many people could argue that  _ he _ was the child and not Sanha. 

“I have a question, it’s been bothering me for days.” Sanha started, plopping down beside MJ on the couch. They were the only ones in the dorm, the other four in different places doing different things that MJ could barely remember. He was definitely getting old. “Do you remember it?”

MJ stared at him for a moment before he laughed, “Ya, what is it that we said about this thing of yours. There you go again, saying things in your head and expecting us to know.”

Sanha sheepishly smiled. “I meant to ask...Do you remember when we went for Amigo TV?” The eldest leaned against the arm of the couch and nodded. “Well, do you remember your answers to your questions? In that question relay game?”

“Of course! I  _ am _ the one with the greatest memory among all of us!” He winked.

Sanha rolled his eyes, “Hyung, you forget your phone as soon as we leave the dorm, and freak out about it, when in fact it was in your hand the whole time.”

“Tomato,  _ to-mah-toh _ .” MJ waved it off. “Just ask me your question?”

“Why is Jinwoo hyung your phobia?” MJ choked on his spit.

Sanha looked earnest, and the joking atmosphere was gone. The youngest looked up at him with all curiosity and seriousness. MJ certainly did not expect this question. Not even a little bit.

“You want the truth?” Sanha nodded eagerly and MJ leaned forward, brows knit together gravely. “It’s because…”

“He’s a mouse.”

“AH Hyung!” Sanha whined while MJ laughed. “Hyung, I am serious! I know for a fact it’s not that. I will tell your boyfriend you called him a mouse!” 

“Arraseo, 알았어! But it’s not like he doesn’t know I call him that already.” MJ flapped his hand, calming the younger down. “I’ll tell you, but just between the two of us, this conversation never happened, okay? Or Jinwoo will never let me live this down.”

Sanha nodded eagerly and leaned in. MJ sighed and patted his lap, Sanha grinned happily before laying down and facing up at him with eyes full of avid curiosity. 

“Let me tell you a story…”

* * *

This wasn’t the first time Myungjun had entered for an audition. It certainly wasn’t the last. 

Growing up, as the only child, he often felt the pressure to choose the right career path. Though his parents had reassured him that no matter what he chose, they would support him in every step of the way. Since he loved seafood, at first he wanted to own a sushi restaurant (still does) but found he couldn’t exactly cook well. Then when he was young, he loved to draw and would doodle on his notebook of the highest skyscraper his little mind could bring to imagination. He decided then he would become an architectural designer. As soon as he reached high school, he realized how much time studying it was needed to achieve such, so he put that on hold; at the same time, he found his talent in singing and dancing. He was by no means great at the latter, but he knew he could sing and his mother often reminded him of how great he could. Thus, the journey to becoming a celebrity began.

He’d been auditioning in every audition he could get his hands on. Often, with failure in the end. But he never gave up hope. This day wasn’t any different, but for some reason he felt this was different. He kept telling himself that every time he does this kind of thing, though he was starting to believe it less and less. He was getting old, and his dreams of becoming a singer were getting smaller and smaller. He had auditioned at JYP already and even won a contest that gave him a scholarship for Seoul National University, he felt his luck wasn’t for this kind of life. If he wouldn’t get in this one, he wasn’t sure what to do.

***

“Congratulations and welcome to Fantagio. Your trainee days start now!”

Myungjun couldn’t believe it, he finally did it! As he shook hands with the CEO, he knew this was only the beginning. He had been waiting for the day to become a trainee, and the road to finally becoming a celebrity. Of course, there was no guarantee that he would end up as a celebrity like he hoped. There were others younger than him, trained for longer and have more talent. But he knew he wasn’t going to give up so easily so he would work just as hard.

* * *

“Hyung, this doesn’t really explain my question.” Sanha pouted up at him, “I already knew how you got in and how it ended. We’re here now aren’t we?”

MJ flicked the younger’s nose. “Aigoo, so impatient,  _ aga _ . It’s my story. Do you want to know the answer or not?”

Sanha rubbed his nose, “Fine.”

“Then listen.”

* * *

Myungjun felt small and intimidated. He had already made one friend, a little shy looking kid six years younger than him with glasses way too big, Sanha, and though they had managed to some sort of agreement to stick together, eventually they had to separate since they didn’t have the same time slots for classes. So he had waved goodbye to his new friend and was back into the corner. Well, that was a lie of sorts. He did wave goodbye and he did go back into the corner but not before humiliating himself in front of one person.

He was caught ogling a guy as he stared in amazement at his dancing skills, a genre he had known as house dancing when he was researching up on different kinds of dances in his high school days. Instead of saying anything or apologizing, he had ran away and hid in a corner. 

“Hello, Myungjun right?”

Myungjun gasped head snapping up as said guy smiled down at him. Jinwoo didn’t wait for his answer before sitting down beside Myungjun.

“My name is Park Jinwoo. I’ve been training for a year now. I assume you’re a newbie?” Myungjun only nodded. Jinwoo grinned. “Are you shy? I’m really nice I swear. We get so many new trainees, since people come and go. I hope you stay.”

Myungjun was surprised by the friendliness or the staying part, he wasn’t sure. “Me too…”

“Let’s go, we have vocals next.”

As Myungjun accepted the offered hand, he didn’t know he was welcoming a bright future ahead of him. The future with Jinwoo he didn’t know would change his life forever.

* * *

“You’re so cheesy, hyung!” Sanha giggled out and MJ smirked down at him.

“You just knew?”

“I can’t believe how  _ corny _ you actually are.” Sanha gasped out in between fits of giggles.

Footsteps were heard and MJ looked up to see Rocky coming into the living room and looking at the two of them curiously. “What’s going on?”

“Hyukkie!” Sanha sat up and smiled widely at the other, waving his hand for the rapper to come closer. Rocky moved over and leaned down to plant a kiss on Sanha’s forehead.

“Again, what’s got you all giggly, baby?” Sanha pulled him down beside him before laying back in MJ’s lap with his legs over his boyfriend’s lap.

“This little one was curious about something so I’m telling a little story.”

“Hyuk, remember when M-hyungie said Jin Jin-hyungie was his phobia? He’s explaining it now! And, he’s so cheesy about it!” Sanha exclaimed, legs wriggling in excitement.

Rocky laughed, hands going over Sanha’s legs. “Okay, calm down. Now, I’m intrigued. Hyung, tell us more. Did I miss a lot?”

MJ shook his head. “Nope, but I’m not repeating what I just told this one. You just have to ask him later, I’m continuing.”

“ _ Goooooo _ ~” Sanha urged before MJ laughed and nodded. Rocky looked eager too as he looked at MJ and waited.

* * *

Myungjun had his head buried in his arms, crying. He was hidden in one of the empty practice rooms. After a bad morning, no, bad day overall. He felt like he was losing and he just wanted to give up. 

“There you are…”

Myungjun didn’t look up at Jinwoo, but a moment later he felt someone sit beside him. 

“Hyung, it’s okay. We mess up sometimes. We have bad days and good days. The others understand–”

Myungjun raised his head and cried out, “Jinwoo! This is life and death! This whole thing determines if we can debut or not! I just botched my chances–” 

Jinwoo placed a hand over his mouth and once Myungjun got the gist, he took it off. Jinwoo smiled reassuringly. “You did not botch your chances. It happens, okay? Just a week ago, you were telling me the same thing I am telling you right now.” Myungjun averted his gaze. Jinwoo clucked his tongue then snapped his fingers. “Hyung, we have a few hours to spare, why don’t we go out to eat? Then come back and practice some more for the performance. What do you say?”

Myungjun bit his lip. “Won’t...we get in trouble?”

Jinwoo stood up and hefted him up. “Not if we go right now.”

Myungjun smiled, wiping his tears. “Okay, but you’re buying.”

Jinwoo only laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him out the door. As Myungjun trailed after him, he looked down at their entwined hands. That was when it hit him.

What would he do when Jinwoo wasn’t there for him anymore? The thought scared him more than not debuting.

* * *

“Wait, wait..” Rocky interrupted and MJ groaned and leaned his head against the back of the couch. “You were that scared to compare it to not debuting? Seriously?”

“Hyukkie! Don’t be rude! I think it’s romantic, hyung!” Sanha kicked his foot at Rocky’s stomach. “Hyung please ignore him and continue.”

MJ sighed, “I’m going to skip a couple of years because my momentum was lost thanks to some hard headed rock.”

“Aw, but hyung!” Sanha whined.

“It’s okay, there’s nothing much in between those years anyway. This is when it really gets…”

“Frisky?” Rocky offered.

MJ and Sanha both planted a hit on Rocky.

“Okay, I’ll continue.” But before he could, two bodies stumbled into the room with snacks in their hands.

“Oooh, story time?” Eunwoo perked up as he and Bin got closer to the trio.

“Hyung was telling us about his phobia of Jinwoo hyung…” Rocky explained, reaching over to grab a bag of chips from him.

“Aha!” Bin exclaimed. “ I always wondered what he meant when he said that.” The two sat on the ground by the couch, facing the eldest.

“We’re on to that, but just so you know, it’s romantic!” Sanha excitedly said, opening his mouth as he accepted chips from Rocky.

“Huh? How?” Eunwoo looked confused, leaning back on Bin who leaned against the coffee table.

“Well, children, if you let me continue.” MJ pinched his nose.

“Okay, okay, go.” Bin waved his hand.

* * *

When Myungjun and Jinwoo confessed to each other, they were already the closest friends. It was also just after they debuted as Astro. For many months before that, Myungjun was filled with anxiety and worry and fear. He told himself it was because of who will be announced to be part of the new idol group and  _ not _ because if he didn’t get to debut with Jinwoo, he’d be lost without him; there would be no meaning.

But alas, they did debut together and as they celebrated that night, Myungjun couldn’t help but feel like the weight on his shoulders were finally lifted. Though, that all changed when a few weeks after Jinwoo seemed to avoid him at every opportunity and the fear was back. 

Myungjun didn’t know what to do. They lived in the same dorm, and somehow Jinwoo still managed to hide from him; they had the smallest dorm too! After weeks of dragging himself to work and practice, finally he couldn’t take it anymore and decided to confront Jinwoo about it.

There was some stuttering, some red faces, and eventually whispered confessions. It was truly then when he wrapped his arms around Jinwoo, he felt he could breathe. 

After that, they became a thing. Together. In a relationship. Whatever you call it. They didn’t tell the members right away, kept it to themselves for almost a year until Sanha caught them making out in the room–

* * *

“Ew! I remember and I wish I didn’t!” Sanha whined and rolled around in disgust of the image. The rest only laughed, remembering their giant baby screaming at the top of his lungs on that fateful day.

* * *

–and had led them to telling everyone that they were in fact dating and now that they knew, they should expect things like what Sanha saw happening in the open. 

Myungjun thought, as the years went by, Jinwoo was going to be sick of him. He was always clingy, always loud, and always without a filter. But he thanked his lucky stars that in spite of all his flaws, Jinwoo still loves him. 

When they got together, he thought he could finally breathe in relief, but even after all these years, he only got to feel relief for a brief second before it came crashing back. He always has this fear that one day, Jinwoo would leave him. And he wasn’t sure how he would take that. He knew he was going to be devastated. Knew he was going to be heartbroken. But he also knew, he’d probably be so in pain that he’d rather not live a second more without him.

The fear only ebbed away a little when that awful rumour came about. Jinwoo having a secret girlfriend. He remembered that day so clearly. It looked so true when you stare at the phone long enough. But he got out of his head and thought clearly. He knew it wasn’t real. By the time he came home that day, he was greeted by the most heart clenching sight. Jinwoo crying.

His boyfriend was apologizing, blubbering and explaining to him. At that moment, Myungjun knew Jinwoo would never leave him. Just as he wouldn’t leave him.

But he was human, and just like any other, there will always be a part of him that will still have that fear. 

* * *

”Guess it isn’t really a phobia, because it isn’t irrational nor is it a disorder, but the fear is there. The anxiety is there...Or maybe it is a phobia… maybe it isn’t...But,” MJ watched everyone’s faces, smiling at their awed looks and looking down at Sanha, the maknae’s curiosity ebbing away…”That’s my explanation.”

“Wah, hyung…” Eunwoo shook his head in wonderment leaning more into his boyfriend with Bin nodding in agreement.

“So romantic, hyungie.” Sanha jutted his lip out and MJ laughed ruffling the youngest’s hair. 

“Corny.” Rocky said chuckling, hands on Sanha’s feet to keep him from kicking him again.

“Now, don’t go blabbing this to Jinwoo or he would never let me live it down.” MJ warned, watching everyone nodding their heads. 

“Too late.” Everyone’s heads swivelled to the side where Jinwoo was leaning against the doorway with a smirk on his face. MJ groaned, while the others snickered. 

“Ooh, let’s go.” Bin said, getting off from the ground. “I sense world war z.” Eunwoo laughed and stood up as well.

“Ddana, come on.” Rocky got up from the couch, trying to pull Sanha off MJ’s lap.

“Nooo.” Sanha whined. “I’m comfy.”

“I won’t let you sleep with me.”

Sanha immediately got up and pulled Rocky away before MJ could lecture them about being adults.

“Those kids I swear.” MJ clucked his tongue in irritation.

“So…” Jinwoo trailed off, coming close and sitting beside MJ. 

MJ groaned and flopped over Jinwoo’s lap, voice muffled against his leg. “Howmuchdidyouhear?”

Jinwoo chuckled. “Everything. I was actually coming in when Sanha came to ask you something then heard what it was about. Got curious and therefore stayed hidden.”

“Eavesdropping is bad.” MJ raised his head and glared at him.

Jinwoo only shook his head, grabbing MJ and placing him properly on his lap so the older had no choice but to sit over him and loop his arms around his boyfriend’s neck.

“Phobia huh? Honestly, I was curious too and to be frank, was kind of sad and taken aback when you said that during our schedule. I thought you were scared of me. Now I know.”

“Now you know…” MJ murmured, staring into Jinwoo’s eyes. 

Jinwoo smiled, reaching up and caressing the older’s face. “I love you, you know that? I would never  _ ever _ in a million years leave you.”

MJ smiled, closing his eyes and leaning in to the touch. “I know. But I can’t help it.”

”For every second of every minute of every hour of every day, I long for you.” Jinwoo admitted, making MJ’s eyes fly open to see love shining through the other’s own. “Always.”

MJ stared at him for a minute or two, before Jinwoo leaned up and he met him halfway. As their lips met, he heard shrieks and they both chuckled against each other’s lips. MJ pulled away and without breaking his and Jinwoo’s gaze, he called out.

“Sanha I swear!”

The answering giggles were enough that it sent them all to laughter, before Jinwoo pulled him back down. 

The taste of forever never tasted so sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my bblove <3
> 
> Hope you all loved this sweet one!
> 
> — [aaxbbxx](https://mobile.twitter.com/aaxbbxx)


End file.
